Don't look back

I tape my sessions with my therapist (she insists on it, actually). I have a small Olympia digital recorder that I absolutely adore. Works great, easy to use, has the inputs/outputs I want, doesn't eat batteries like a Wii remote. Got it from Costco, so I can return it any time it decides it doesn't like to, for example, record.

I was listening to my oldest sessions, which went back to November. I noticed I sounded really happy. This felt like a real contrast to now. So much so that I was really woken up by how sad I'm feeling these days. It is really hard to be parenting G lately. I'm feeling incompetent way too often.

But after the recent funeral I went to, I'm trying to think of ways of living my life to its fullest. Keep my house clean (as it makes me much more serene), not put off trips to here or there that I've "always" wanted to do (we are going to camp at Castle Crags this summer!), make plans to get out and follow through.

G did have a great birthday party. On Saturday, his two friends came over and had some Wii time (his friend gave him Mario Galaxy for his birthday, after we got him a 2nd-hand PS2 Spongebob Game, wow), then pizza, then a little Uno Attack silliness (they just hit the button till it was empty), then more Wii, then ice cream cake (from Baskin-Robbins; next time, I'm just going to make it! $38 is crazy for a tiny cake), then huge pillow fight in his room, then finally to sleep at 11. (Not to say that G had great behavior the whole time--I periodically pulled him out of the fray to do a chore as a consequence for being unkind while playing Wii, ugh--but overall, it really went very well.)

They woke up before 7 (I told G that he needs to find some friends who sleep), had pancakes, finished our 4-person Wii game (Mario Party 8; all 4 of us thanks to a loan from a friend [thanks R!] of 2 additional remotes), and they went home with parents. And I wanted another night to sleep.