my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Enough with the 2x4's!

My therapist and I had decided it was time to date and just have fun, no future commitments. (deep breath) OK.

So I called up K left a message, we finally got together, had a few dates, and she disappeared. No word for nearly 48 hours. Very odd, as we'd struck up a daily patter of contact by then.

I was sure it had to do with intimacy issues. I was wrong. (I was right, though, about it being a disappearing thing. Several people said, "Only 1 day?" but I strongly sensed it was meaningful to hear nothing.)

Turned out it was "picket fence" issues. I had said some things glibly that sounded like I was planning out our future together, white picket fence and all. I probably was; I tend to do that. It's not a good habit, as I think its source is to ignore any niggling doubts and plunge forward, sure that she is The One. This tendency has not served me well in the past, and didn't in this new relationship.

So, whap with the first 2x4. I was supposed to just be dating.

The other thing my therapist and I had talked about was dating various people. I have never in my life done this and was (and still am, to some degree) not able to conceive of splitting my attention this way. I'm willing but nervous.

And, whap turns out K is dating someone else. So if I continue to date her, I have to get used to sharing her.

Growth sucks. Enough with the 2x4s!


At 8:46 AM, August 27, 2006, Blogger Dharma said...

Yes growth could be hard. Dating, more than one person, doesn't take a lot of take. At least once you get down just calling everyone "honey", "sweetie", etc. No screwing up names.


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