my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Monday, June 15, 2009

OK, OK, I'm a bad mom, I get it

I don't know how many Bad Mom dreams I can take.

In this one, we were at Disneyland...ish. My sister was there, too, but not her kids (?). G and I went to take a tram to a different part of the park (there were several, of all sorts of colors, depending on where you wanted to go). He got on one and I somehow didn't get in the seat, and ended up hanging onto the back until the next station. I was really relatively calm about this--looked down at the seat and realized that if I tried to climb over while it was moving, I'd more likely fall, and hanging on wasn't tiring for some reason, so I just did that. We made it to the station uneventfully and no one yelled at me for riding it unsafely.

From that station, we were going to get on the Red line and G ended up on a car by himself. He looked back as it left and I shouted, "Stay on that one. It'll bring you back."

And then I leaned on something and switched a switch. It seemed important, so I told a Cast Member, who didn't seem very impressed. Not sure what he did.

And then I left. I told him I'd be there, and I went somewhere else! It was a hotel-lobby-like area, and there was a table of small preprinted sheets of paper with gold seals and different line colors on it, including Red. They had something to do with return trips, and people casually set them down on that table until they needed them, and then picked them back up and used them. It seemed like there was an Honor System about not taking one if it wasn't yours.

I don't know what I did next, but I did finally return to the other Red station, and he was there with a Cast Member, and crying and furious, understandably so. I hadn't, this time, written my cell number on the inside of his arm, and I also hadn't grabbed anyone at the Red station and said, "Hey, my kid just left on the Red train by himself, he's blond and about 4' high; can someone grab him and send him back here?" Why didn't I do that?

Ugh. I woke up moaning.


At 9:36 AM, November 02, 2009, Blogger Dharma said...

Hm, I think this dream is more about fears about G growing up and away from you, about what it might mean as he gets more independent, about how to be a mom and a separate person. I think it's very bittersweet and lovely in that way.


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