my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Accepting myself fully

Last weekend, there was a hockey tournament. Or more accurately, a set of friendly hockey games among four teams. It was fun, and since it was multilevel, I got to see my friends in other divisions who I don't normally see.

Now, one of these gals really starts my engines. It is fun to flirt with her and to catch up. I had a beer--let's be honest, one Bud Light--and was flirting and joking and having a good time.

As I left, she was leaning over a railing, talking to a guy from the rink. I let my hand brush her ass. I'm blushing a little as I write this. I did it on purpose but it was forward.

Usually, I'd beat myself up for it, maybe write a stupid-sounding apology to her that made more of it than I should. But this time, I'm working on just letting it go. We're friends, I'm sure she's not mad; I think it's fine.

So when I think about it now, I say under my breath, "It's OK, I accept myself. It's fine." And it really seems to be working. I do tend to hang onto things and it is not good for anything. I apologized recently to someone about something I'd been hanging onto for years, and she laughed and didn't even remember it. I spent how much energy and shame on that? That's nuts.

I accept myself fully for who I am, not a perfect being but one with faults, who makes mistakes but owns up to them. I am whole and human and loveable.


At 8:46 PM, May 25, 2012, Blogger Karen Frisa said...

Well, I for one think you're wonderful.

At 9:58 AM, May 29, 2012, Blogger Jennie said...

Aw, Karen, you're so sweet. I think you're terrific.


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