my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Friday, September 15, 2006

On blogging, and privacy, and boundaries

Some have noticed I haven't been blogging a lot lately. Sure, I tend to go in fits and starts anyway, but there was nearly a 2-week gap. And 2 posts have disappeared (they may reappear).

The answer: K asked to read my blog. After completely freaking out, I ran the idea past a few friends, including one whom I've only met f2f once (or is it twice, D?) and is thousands of miles away. K had found it by googling but, because I'd asked earlier, she had not read it.

K asked in order to get to know me better. The balance of power was on my side, as she is a minister of a local church (I'll ask her if it's OK to link it in) and I was able to surf all over that website, learning about her, reading some of her sermons, and reading the church newsletters. I learned a lot about her and she didn't have a similar source of info on me.

To tell the truth, a lot of people have said that my entries can be fun to read. I don't mind more strokes from a new sweetie.

But there were a few entries that were iffy; a little too honest for me to be comfortable with K reading. An honesty and openness that I hadn't had with her before. I haven't re-posted those entries but have finally, now, talked to her about their contents. I will probably put them back up at some point.

Now, though, I contemplate the future: I relished having this forum of my friends (including friends who never comment, grin) to mention things from my life, my burgeoning relationship with K, private intimacies and questions.

I'm not comfortable cutting her off and saying, from this date forward, you can't read my blog any more. But I feel like I need a place to post my most private thoughts that I'm not ready for her to see yet, if ever.

So I looked into LiveJournal. It has ways to put restrictions on posts according to who is looking at them. I don't know if you all need LJ memberships, but I suppose so.

Anyway, our relationship has been slowly getting closer and sometimes challenging. It didn't feel right to post about it, and it's foremost in my mind these days (sharing mindspace with the Red Placements--pray for me tonight!), so I didn't feel like I had anything else to blog about.

So... bear with me. I will try to keep my life updated here as best I can. And if you have an LJ account, drop me a line and I'll play around with that.



At 3:42 PM, September 15, 2006, Blogger Andrea said...

ha. at some point, the world gets very, very small, especially with google or links off other people's blogs. i've thought about starting a private one for my most offensive posts but then thought, why have that negativity out there, just don't blog about it.

either way, keep us updated in one way or another!

At 11:33 PM, September 15, 2006, Blogger heather said...

you could also create another blogger blog, not show it in your profile, but send the link out to the people you *do* want to see it. customize it so it doesn't actually refer to you (like, remove the profile section, etc).

i really like having a private blog because if nothing else, sometimes i forget that i already thought through a particular issue. old age i guess, but when later i go there, read, then i can say, oh yeah..that's what i'm going to do/ what happened/ whatever. very useful.

not to mention i can vent like a bandit without offending a soul.

anyway, i'm sure you'll figure out a good solution. and hope your tryouts went well tonight!

At 12:54 PM, September 17, 2006, Blogger Dharma said...

Hm. So many things in that post. I disagree about the "balance of power" thing because she is "searchable". Her sermons are designed for a public forum in a way that a blog is not. What is listed about her on the church's or a school's website is not nearly as personal and specific as your blog is about you.

It is a challenging thing to have made her privy to your blog, given how you *had* been using it and now that is limited by her sharing it. Quite a dilemma.

I do realize that it is hard to write about some things given a lover or partner reading it before you are ready to share, or if it's not something you need or want to share with them. However that's what email, the telephone, and f2f chats are for, so you still have that outlet, just in a different forum.


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