my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Yearning for a shouting match?

(When I posted recently that I was reclaiming this blog, I mostly meant that if K was still reading it, well, I may post stuff that you don't want to read. So you've been warned.)

After IMing to Liz that my last conversation with K was one of the most honest we'd ever had, I had a daydream where she and I meet up at Asilomar at our conference's annual meeting this May, and have a huge shouting match, where we tell each other exactly how we feel. I realized I actually wanted this, and not just to hear how she feels. I want this so that we can get past the uncomfortableness of the post-breakup and be friends--and that one of the reasons I want to be friends is so I can look like a good person ("see, she's friends with all her exes!"). Pretty dumb, huh? It is important to me... and I need to work on letting go of that. sigh.

Despite all this uproar, I am looking forward to going back to Asilomar. Despite the constant need for layers and a good, portable raincoat, it is a beautiful place, stuffed full of nature (G and I saw 6 deer on our way down to the pool one morning) and a stone's throw (if you don't throw like me) from the ocean. Plus, I scored my boss's passes to the Aquarium, so we'll be visiting there again this time.

Mostly, I want to slow down and savor that place this time. It's a unique opportunity. And we have a room with a fireplace. (yay)


At 5:35 PM, March 16, 2007, Blogger Dharma said...

I like shouting matches once in awhile. TGF and I have them. It's a good release.

As to the "looking like a good person", well yeah you might need to get over that. Do you want to be friends with her, aside from image? Even someone like who has been friendly if not actual friends with many exes, some simply are not friend material.


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