my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Finally growing up, at age 44.5

We went to a street fair last weekend, one that happens every year and was bigger than ever. Toward the end of browsing the booths, I happened upon one where the guy cuts wood mats to go inside frames with names, sport names, sayings ("Me and my dad"), etc. As I am wont to do, I search for my son's name, certain I won't find it. I do. Knock me over with a feather. I buy it, he slaps it in a frame with glass, shows it to me, is about to put it in a bag. I realize the frame is much darker than the wood mat and doesn't look good.

Here's the difference: not long ago, I would have let it pass. It would have bothered me till I threw it away. It didn't look good.

But somehow, I'm more assertive these days. I think a lot of it comes from practicing in moments like these. If I end up feeling pushy or obnoxious, honestly, who cares? I'll probably never see the guy again.

I speak up, "Oh, actually, could you find a lighter frame for that? I think it would look better." Guy starts casting around, says something about being on his last box of frames ("Good for you," I interject), scrounges one up. Swaps it, shows me... relief. Now it looks good. I take it, walk away.

It's these little things I would have shied away from a year ago that I'm stepping up to the plate (still with some degree of butterflies in my stomach) and doing.

Lately, I've decided to eat and move more healthfully. I bought a workbook/kit from Kaiser that is very good. Knowing I needed more than that, I asked an email list I'm on whether folks would be interested in a sublist. Knock me over with a feather because sixteen of them are signed up. I wrote two conversation-stimulating questions, others posted their own, and we're off. (Me! Starting and owning an email list!)

I also have finally felt the tremendous need to declutter in a big way. A few months ago, I made a huge effort to declutter the very back of my basement, near the washing machine. It went fine, but was a drop in the bucket. Then my kid gets the idea to raise money for a stupid overpriced handheld video game console by selling his old, unwanted toys (many of them pristine from lack of use). So now we're cleaning out the basement at a tremendous rate. I hope to get enough cleaned out to make room for a hockey-shot practice area (I'll tape off or paint a hockey goal outline on the inside of the garage doors). I started by moving things around in the carport area and finally, after more than a year, sweeping it out. What a difference!

(this para added later) Oh, I also decided that I wanted to take July to sit down and finish many of the knitting projects I'd started--recently or years ago. Started a group at the online knitting website, and 15 other knitters joined me. We've probably finished 30 projects or more among the group of us.

I really feel like these changes are part of growing up, fully being me, living in my life. Scary at times, disappointing when things don't work the way I expect, but good overall. I likes it.


At 12:38 PM, August 04, 2008, Blogger Dharma said...

What a happy post honey! It makes me smile. I feel I am on a similar journey. Some things are really small things but they feel big.


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