my soft spot

just a mom who plays hockey and knits

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

On depression*

Yesterday, I was thinking, "I'm depressed." I've had that thought before, but therapy has taught me to stop and metaphorically roll it over in my hands. It did seem odd--I am getting my life together in so many ways; why would I be sad?

Then I realized that I was in a lot of pain yesterday due to my ongoing (expletive here) tennis elbow. And that got in the way of exercising, which I'd been hoping to ramp up in preparation for playing in the Coors Cup this coming Labor Day weekend.

What that did, though, was make things a lot brighter, really. I thought, "Well, I could be a drama queen about this, or I could do what I need to make it heal and exercise in a way that doesn't stress it, like walk." So yesterday, I iced and iced it, took it easy last night, and today, I iced it again, and walked the dog at noon. (Good for both of us--she just loves walks, that girl.)

And I declined on Friday's game, after I was done sulking. ("It's OK to sulk, as long as you know that's what you're doing," my therapist would say. Or more often, she'd say something like, "OK, time to get off your pity pot!") And I canceled the sitter for the hockey class tomorrow.

I have a physical therapy appointment next Tuesday morning, and several paper cups half-full of frozen water in the work freezer for some lovely ice massage. I know you're jealous; I can see it from here.


*I'm not talking clinical depression, of course. Just the big pile o'sads kind.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Finally growing up, at age 44.5

We went to a street fair last weekend, one that happens every year and was bigger than ever. Toward the end of browsing the booths, I happened upon one where the guy cuts wood mats to go inside frames with names, sport names, sayings ("Me and my dad"), etc. As I am wont to do, I search for my son's name, certain I won't find it. I do. Knock me over with a feather. I buy it, he slaps it in a frame with glass, shows it to me, is about to put it in a bag. I realize the frame is much darker than the wood mat and doesn't look good.

Here's the difference: not long ago, I would have let it pass. It would have bothered me till I threw it away. It didn't look good.

But somehow, I'm more assertive these days. I think a lot of it comes from practicing in moments like these. If I end up feeling pushy or obnoxious, honestly, who cares? I'll probably never see the guy again.

I speak up, "Oh, actually, could you find a lighter frame for that? I think it would look better." Guy starts casting around, says something about being on his last box of frames ("Good for you," I interject), scrounges one up. Swaps it, shows me... relief. Now it looks good. I take it, walk away.

It's these little things I would have shied away from a year ago that I'm stepping up to the plate (still with some degree of butterflies in my stomach) and doing.

Lately, I've decided to eat and move more healthfully. I bought a workbook/kit from Kaiser that is very good. Knowing I needed more than that, I asked an email list I'm on whether folks would be interested in a sublist. Knock me over with a feather because sixteen of them are signed up. I wrote two conversation-stimulating questions, others posted their own, and we're off. (Me! Starting and owning an email list!)

I also have finally felt the tremendous need to declutter in a big way. A few months ago, I made a huge effort to declutter the very back of my basement, near the washing machine. It went fine, but was a drop in the bucket. Then my kid gets the idea to raise money for a stupid overpriced handheld video game console by selling his old, unwanted toys (many of them pristine from lack of use). So now we're cleaning out the basement at a tremendous rate. I hope to get enough cleaned out to make room for a hockey-shot practice area (I'll tape off or paint a hockey goal outline on the inside of the garage doors). I started by moving things around in the carport area and finally, after more than a year, sweeping it out. What a difference!

(this para added later) Oh, I also decided that I wanted to take July to sit down and finish many of the knitting projects I'd started--recently or years ago. Started a group at the online knitting website Ravelry.com, and 15 other knitters joined me. We've probably finished 30 projects or more among the group of us.

I really feel like these changes are part of growing up, fully being me, living in my life. Scary at times, disappointing when things don't work the way I expect, but good overall. I likes it.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Another M@stercard commercial

Dinner with Liz & Val, Friday night, on the way to camping: About $10, on Mastercard

Towing to repair shop for car with blown radiator hose: covered by car insurance (phew)

Rental car at airport: $38--no wait, add the taxes and airport fee, $56, on Mastercard

Radiator hose finally repaired and tested: $127, on Mastercard

Lunch with Liz, Andrea, and Val at A&W, with frosty mugs of root beer: About $12, on Mastercard

Support of friends in a crisis: priceless

Also priceless: enjoying handmade matzo ball soup as a first course at campsite, remarking to each other how good it tastes

And priceless again: Playing a card game with my kid and having him be a graceful loser, for once

Thanks, Liz & Andrea, for saving my doomed weekend!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

One lost, one saved

A few Saturdays ago, I was in Lafayette. I was heading back to the freeway when I saw a little fluffy dog, like a Shi-Tzu, running through a parking lot. "Oh no," I thought. Then I saw a woman running along the sidewalk, jogging in flip-flops. I figured it had to be the owner. I called out to her, "Are you looking for a dog?" and she didn't react at first. Then she was past me and looking at the cars behind me, and the light changed. If I'd reacted faster, I would have leaned over, thrown the door open, and had her jump in, so I could turn into the parking lot, get to the other end, and head off the dog.

I didn't. I drove onto the freeway, fretting and fuming about my lack of action. I hope she got her dog back.

Today, I was in my boss's office, finishing talking about something, and a dog trotted by the window. I waited for an owner with a leash to casually walk by, and nothing. I raced to the back door, but the dog had gotten past it already. I went through to the street behind our building and spotted him. He was sniffing a tree and peed on it. I said soothing words and approached him, and he slowly and warily headed across the street. Now, this isn't a main street, but people do use it as a shortcut and sometimes drive fast. I looked both ways and ran ahead of the dog. He stopped and eyed me warily. He let me touch him and seemed OK until I reached for his dog tags to see where he lived. Then he snapped at me. I considered letting him go and calling Animal Control. I reacted the way I would with my own dog, telling him "No!" sternly and grabbing and closing his muzzle. He relented. I looked at the tags again, he snapped again, "No" stopped him. The tags were from Lake Tahoe! Argh, people need to put current numbers on their dogs' tags.

I decided to lead him back to my office and call out for my dog-owning coworkers to find a leash, as I didn't want to get bitten. Taking the collar into my hand to lead him got me bitten. He didn't break the flesh and did lay off after that. Then an SUV pulled up and the driver said he had the owners within. They said the dog was 12, deaf, and a little blind. I was a little sulky about being bitten but happy the dog was going to be safe. They were visiting from Lake Tahoe and had been on the Marina when the dog took off.

I have a small swelling on the back of my hand, but my heart is happy another loose dog will be safe. It coulda been Lucy (who was corralled by neighbors the last time she got out, bless them).

Hug your dogs, and make sure their tags are up to date!