It gets easier.

I never got a call back from Sisters with Brushes, so I just called again. It was much easier and she seems quite reasonable. They do dishes and change sheets, too!

Last weekend, I was at an annual meeting for our Northern California/Nevada Conference of the United Church of Christ. (woo, I just came out as a church-goin' Christian to some of you.) At one of the worship services, the minister asked each of us to turn to a neighbor and share our 'edge'--a place that is hard for us, where we are desperately trying not to fall off into an abyss. My neighbor shared that her church, which has dwindled drastically, is considering selling its building/land in Redwood City in order to garner much-needed funds so they can regroup and re-create their church. Huge. I shared that I had started therapy. Couldn't believe how hard it was to say it. And it is hard, but I think it is good. The first interesting thing I discovered was that my depression, while mild compared to what some friends were/are going through, dates pretty clearly back to when G was first showing his challenging behaviors at school. His behaviors are a lot better but my general adjustedness is not. I hadn't expected that.

Onward and upward.

I'm stuck.

I have to call to schedule a housecleaner. I am clearly no longer in control.

But I cannot believe how hard this is for me. So much of it is about shame. And I'm frozen. I have looked up the number a zillion times. It is right in front of me. But I can't call. I am too embarrassed. What is that about? I know plenty of people, people I respect, who have housecleaners.

It is completely irrational. 484-1085. How hard is that?

The perfect Mother's Day.

In the past, my Mother's Days as a mother have always been so-so. I let myself get caught up in a pity party of "I just want someone to take me out to a nice brunch or dinner!" and since there is no significant other, well, nothing happens. And G just refuses to drive or get a job.

This year was different. G was very accomodating about coming to my hockey game (complete with snacks, coloring book, and portable DVD player), and afterward, as we drove home, I thought of various places to go out to dinner... none of which were going to be the kind to give a toy with a meal, much to G's loud dismay. Sorry, bub, but this is my day.

I thought about Horatio's, which I'd recently learned is also owned by the owner's of Kincaid's, my very favorite restaurant. I had a feeling we'd never get into Kincaid's and was curious about Horatio's anyway. The only problem was that I didn't exactly know where Horatio's was. I knew it was on the San Leandro marina. And I am into adventures.

I also realized, as we drove north on 880, that there is a Marina Blvd exit off 880 in San Leandro. So what are the chances that Marina Blvd leads to the marina?

100%, it turns out. And there was a lovely, big restaurant in front of me: El Torito. No flippin' way was I going to trade perfectly roasted beef or broiled fish for tacos and enchiladas (not that there's anything wrong with that). I drove past, and voila, in front of me, Horatio's. It has big windows that look out upon the picturesque marina, and as a bonus, you see planes landing at Oakland Airport!

We had a wonderful dinner, G with the "best grilled cheese sandwich ever! Taste it, Mom!" (it was, indeed, an excellent grilled cheese sandwich), and me with Halibut Cheeks (who knew?) in a white truffle oil sauce (very good) and pureed celery root (tasty). I had a cocktail (first time in months!), an Appletini. G begged for the cherry, which by that time, had really been soaking in the alcohol. I finally assuaged him by asking the waitress to bring him one of his own. He received three with big, wide eyes. I amused him by tying one of the stems into a knot with my tongue.

And I got to knit while we were waiting! I chuckled as I thought of Hypothetical Spouse whinging about me knitting on Mother's Day at a fancy restaurant. Take that, Hypothetical Spouse!

A very nice Mother's Day. (made all the sweeter by our 1-0 win in hockey.)

I'm Spiderman!

...who is one of my favorites, along with Silver Surfer.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 85% Superman 85% Wonder Woman 68% Robin 65% Catwoman 65% Green Lantern 60% The Flash 60% Supergirl 58% Iron Man 55% Batman 40% Hulk 30%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

L.A. Trip, part 2

I never finished blogging about our L.A. trip. Here's the rest:

After leaving Disneyland, we drove on approximately one million freeways to get to JoAnne's house. By the time we go there, both kids were conked and I was pretty damned close! I had been planning on sleeping in her son's single bed with G, but when I got up there and looked at G's sprawling body and the bed, decided to go with her idea of a sleeping bag on the floor. He went right to sleep. I slept OK; woke up a few times, checked the time, went back to sleep.

Woke up for real to a wonderful breakfast cooked by JoAnne, with pancakes, eggs, vanilla yogurt, and fresh bananas. Fabulous. But we were expected in North Hills that morning, so I packed up as quickly as I could and we said our good-byes and headed out on approximately one million more freeways to cross town. Ironically, JoAnne had told me that Debi always suggets taking the 210 to bypass the 5 and that JoAnne just takes 5... but she had neglected to tell me that the highway I was on turned into 134 before joining 5, so I panicked and grabbed the 210 after all.*

*Noticing the inconsistency about using 'the' before freeway names? It's a regional difference: In Northern California, you take 280 to 101 to 680 to 580. In Southern California, you take the 58 to the 67 to the 210. OK, I made up the L.A. freeways, but trust me, there are a zillion.

Made it to Debi's pretty close to when I'd predicted, with G happy as a clam, watching our 2nd DVD. When we got there, the four of us piled into her SUV and we went over to a kids' fair at her daughter's school. It was pretty cute, including the usual carnival games, but also offering a visit to a portable, hands-on aquarium. The kids enjoyed the aquarium and then decided to do some climbing on the play equipment. G and Debi's daughter played like monkeys for a while, as I got colder and colder (a chill wind! Not the warm SoCal weather I'd expected!). Then we headed back to the main area to look at booths and sneak inside to the silent auction. I hadn't found much I was interested in (remembering I'd have to lug whatever I bought home)... till I spotted a basket chock-full of cardstock and other materials I could use to make rubber-stamped cards. The starting bid was $70, but as I've bought rubber-stamping card supplies recently, I knew that the stuff in there was worth way more. I bid $70 and then watched it like a hawk. A woman came by and commented to her husband that there was a lot of stuff in that basket. I gave her the stinkeye behind her back till she moved on. I lurked, vulture-like, till time was called and I snatched up all nearby pens to avert disaster.

Turns out the way they wanted to run the silent auction payments was to send notes home in the school and ask for payment the next week. No way, Jose. I wrote a check (or rather, Debi wrote one, as I didn't think to bring my checkbook on a Disneyland check and I was $5 short of $70 cash) and triumphantly took my basket home with me. Debi loaned me a cardboard box and I managed to get almost all of it in. I left behind some cute sticky notes and some paper stock I didn't care for, and a silly little organizer book that Debi's daughter glommed onto--and was thrilled (yay!).

We went home by way of some Hawaiian-ish, surfing-ish restaurant that was pretty good. I ordered my latest craze, fish tacos, and they were tasty but kind of spicy, which made me fear for my acid reflux. Oh, well.

The next day, we all went in my rental car to Malibu. Debi had offered her SUV but it is so big that I was nervous about driving it by myself. Plus, the miles on the rental were unlimited (I think that's a given these days, but I do remember the days of limited miles). We left chilly, overcast North Hills, and were greeted, upon crossing the beautiful, unspoiled hills, to blue skies and sunshine. We dropped Debi off at a friend's baby shower, and the kids and I headed toward Malibu Canyon State Park for a hike. On the way, we saw more signs for Chumash Day. We had seen one on the way in, and I commented on it; Debi was surprised I didn't know that Chumash are a local Indian tribe. I decided it would be fun for the kids to see this, so we parked and walked past Pepperdine University's grounds (OMG, so beautiful! Why don't we all go there for college???) to Malibu Bluffs park, where the celebration was being held.

It was pretty cool; lots of neat-looking art, some tribal dances, some lovely crafts. We even managed to get in on a craft being organized by the parks department (so we came home with a painted rock, lucky us). I bought three small woven change bags that are just beautiful. The kids got to watch the dancing and then run around and pick up candy (seemed like a tradition?) after putting some money on a blanket to support Chumash Day. G came back with his hands full; Debi's daughter said she didn't see any candy she liked. Ha, good for her!

We went to pick up Debi and got to meet the expectant mother and some of her friends from the WNBA. Yeah, I felt incredibly short. :) The house was incredible; right on the beach and really sizeable. We thought it was maybe $3-4M. The kids got to go down to the beach and get their toes in the sand... but the folks were leaving, so we got the kids into the car and headed south a bit to Zuma beach for them to play.

Predictably, they were soon wet from head to toe. Did we bring towels or any spare clothes? Nope. Debi really wanted us to eat at a nearby beach restaurant, so I suggested we buy some cheap clothes at Target or the like and just go. Well... 45 mins later, we were in inner LA somewhere at the only Target around. (I thought L.A. was a shoppin' city!) We ended up at a "gay" restaurant called French something something. It was pretty gay and pretty nice, and the kids managed to hold it together long enough for us to have a nice meal. Debi remarked that her gf would not have been willing to do the Target thing, and would have just wanted to head back home. It was a nice adventure! I love adventures.

We headed home, way too late for a school night! and got the kids to bed, and then headed there ourselves. We got out pretty easily in the morning. Debi was a bit on edge, as she had a fairly early deposition and also needed to drop her daughter off. Turned out they had made the depo later and not told her.

We managed to get to the airport with plenty of time. I dropped the car off, we caught the shuttle, visited the bathroom, checked the bags, and made it to the gate a full hour before our flight. And we still missed getting in line early, as we were in the bathroom (again) when folks started lining up.

It was an uneventful flight, and my wonderful friend Allison picked us up and dropped us at home. I got G off to school (just an hour left, but this way, the school gets state funds for that day) and went to work, and squeezed in 6 hours!

It was a really, really good trip.

Good weekend

Just told a coworker that I was fuzzy today, just tired, and he said, "Well, glad you had a good weekend." Ha!

And I did. Friday night, we went over to Dharma and Karen's with Chinese food from our great local restaurant. My friend ari, in from upstate NY, had taken her family in to SF to have dinner with a friend. It was their last night here before going home, so we had dinner and waited for them to return. We had brought our suits and towels, so when they got back we spent some quality time in the hot tub (me, ari, her 2 boys and my one). I got some knitting done and we had some good conversations. We didn't leave until midnight!

Saturday, the only thing we had going was a birthday party for a friend of G's. They had asked me to bring along my canopy (the one that saved G's party) so they would have two, and I had planned to be there early. Well, they decided they wanted to pick it up early, and also, did I have an ice chest to loan? I am the Queen of Ice Chests. I have them in 38-quart size (with comfy handle and rolly wheels) down to single-six-pack size (lid flips over to be a drink holder; great travel chest).

So of course we were late to the party (only a few minutes), but we did have a great time. True to form, Renie took a million photos with her new camera, and Allison had it all planned down to the minute. I volunteered to be a Bug Olympics Official, which meant setting up the games and helping the kids to all 'win' (no first place at this tournament!). G had a good time when he finally realized he was always going to be a winner (boy, that kid is competitive; just like his mom--competitive but not that athletic).

Then we went home and, despite all my best intentions, my tiredness overcame me and I didn't mow the lawn/jungle. I sat and knit while watching CheapoTivo, while G vegged out with SpongeBob. I got stuff ready for Sunday. A pretty relaxing day.

Sunday, we were late to church (ugh) but I managed to rehearse the anthem for that day. We sang a folksy song about a shepherd (it being 23rd Psalm Sunday), accompanied by a choir member on his banjo (wow!). At coffee hour, we enjoyed a lovely spread by Renie & Allison, and G got a blue balloon to take home. I tied the slipknot and tightened it enough. We drove home and got ready for G's soccer and my hockey. Got him to soccer, 5 mins late (argh! we could only stay 30 mins anyway!) but they were starting late, so we didn't miss much. He worked hard and is really doing well. I sat and knit, and then at 1:30, called him off the field and we left. Had to go to Hockey X-Sport, because at the end of our last game, I discovered that I was missing a screw on my helmet. They were sweet not to charge me, and even gave me an extra screw, but took like 10 mins putting it on. Oh, and I had taken the time to stop by the house on the way out of town to grab our Great America passes. So we arrived at hockey like 5 mins before it was to start, and I still had to get myself dressed, get G changed into warmer clothes, and set up next to the hockey rink with is snacks, book, and DVD player.

I got changed pretty fast and hockey was great. We even had time to scrimmage. Great drills, including (finally!) the breakout drill.

Went to get G and he showed me the DVD player that was stuck. I thought that was odd until he told me he'd knocked it down twice. (sigh) Oh, well, glad I bought it at Costco. As we get in the car to leave, I put the windows down and the balloon G has worked so hard not to lose goes flying out the window, entirely my fault.

And here's the great part: G gets really mad, really sad, crying loudly, but never, not once, tries to hit me. OMG. My kid is getting so big.

We went to City Beach for dinner. Not bad, but I ate too much (and realized in retrospect that I probably could have asked for a side of veggies instead of the huge load of steak fries). We headed out to Great America and got there at 6, 1 hour before closing. (Glad we have passes.) I decided to go ahead & get the photo passes made, and we set out for the log ride, which G had decided he was willing to go on. We walked past Kidzville and got in the very short line. Got up to the top in our log, and... stopped. For quite a while. Then, finally, we got released into the little winding river way up high, got to the top of the 'falls,' and... stopped again. For a while, again. One log behind us. The operator was very sweet and apologetic, but had no information other than that the problem required a mechanic! Finally, they let our log go down the falls--wow, that was really scary. G said, "I'm never going on that ride again, in my life!" They got a photo of us--I'm screaming like crazy and G looks so scared, poor lamb. Then we get down to the end, one log with two boys ahead of us, and... stopped. We can't even get out. The boys ahead of us are nearly at the platform, but the operator tells them they can't get out till their log gets to the red arrow. We wait forever and the boys finally hop out when the operator's back is turned. We are blocked by a plexiglass wall and have no choice but to wait. I finally ask for my bag of knitting (straight, metal needles; they really don't check bags well there!) and voila, before I can even get started, the engineer is there and they help us off the side way. We've been there an hour and done one ride.

Well, I had promised to buy G a stuffed animal at GA while we were there, as an apology to the balloon incident (because the first thing he wanted was a blue balloon exactly like it and I had a feeling that would not be easy to find). We ended up at their version of Build-A-Bear and he chose a darling bear and the cutest footie pajamas for it. He helped stuff it by pressing on a footpedal while it was pumped up. Then I helped him dress it in the pjs. Great bear.

He fell asleep on the way home and I sleep-walked him into bed (I just cannot carry him any more, not as dead weight). He went right to sleep. Great weekend.

I am midnight

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

I meme, you meme, everybody meme meme

From liz...

Accent: I would say I don't have an accent, but most folks say this, and do. Californian accent with a touch of Valley Girl when I'm excited. 'No way!' 'Way!'

Booze: Not much these days. I'm not a very good drinker. When I do drink, I guess it's wine or Bud-like beer or Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade (of which I have a case in the basement--it's great frozen, too).

Chore I Hate: Emptying the dishwasher. Among so many others.

Dog or Cat: Down to 1 dog. But she's a good 'un.

Essential Electronics: My PDA. And my new watch.

Favorite Cologne: Clinique Happy Heart. I'm such a girl.

Gold or Silver: Gold, definitely. Silver doesn't look good on me.

Hometown: Palos Verdes Peninsula. It doesn't even exist any more. That area is now called Rancho Palos Verdes, puke.

Insomnia: Usually not, but lately I've been waking a lot at night. If I go back to sleep pretty quickly, is it insomnia?

Job Title: Software Engineer. Hey, wake up!

Kids: One, six years old. Funny, sweet, loves to run fast, sometimes oppositional, always terrific.

Living Arrangements: House in a small city in the San Francisco Bay Area, small to some (including me), large to others (including my son, who wants a smaller house).

Most Admirable Traits: Sincere. Funny. Loyal.

Number of Sexual Partners: 20-30. One at a time, though.

Overnight Hospital Stays: Once when I was little and had Scarlet Fever. Once when my body was cut open to release agove-mentioned child, whose head is still in the 90th percentile.

Phobias: Bugs crawling on me. Heights.

Quote: "What knockers!"

Religion: Raised Presbyterian, now a member of a Congregational church.

Time I Wake Up: Between 6 and 7.

Unusual Talent or Skill: Tying cherry stems in a knot without using my hands.

Vegetable I Love: Beets. Hot or cold, as is or pickled.

Worst Habit: Completing others' sentences. Or is it being a bigmouth?

X-Rays: Several of my knees, one of my foot when it was kicked so hard in a soccer game that it looked like I had a tennis ball on my foot, and several of my head when I broke my orbit.

Yummy Foods I Make: Curry, lasagne, pot roast (but it's been a while!), mac 'n' cheese.

Zodiac: Aquarius, the Water Bearer, who is nearly always depicted as a man. Nice.

Tag me, beat me, make me meme

Andrea tagged me with this one...

5 nicknames you have or had
Jenny Penny*
Jennie Bennie Boo (that's from Mom)
Baby Tiny Toes (ditto)
Jennie Van Wheatbread
Nifer (OK, wasn't really my nickname, but I thought it would be a cool one for a while there)

*I used to be Jenny before I was Jennie.

5 sweet treats you like to eat
Ice cream, in nearly any flavor except those that combine fruit and chocolate. Oh, and Chocolate.
Freddo (had to learn that name from Liz; I just called it "sweet blended drink from Peets")
$100,000 Bar (which they renamed to $100 Grand Bar. Yeah, so different)
Cheesecake, maybe with fruit on top, but never chocolate
Blueberry pie

5 things people would be surprised you have
haptodysphoria (but I can touch peaches)
arthritis
hockey gear (well, some people would be surprised)
membership in a sorority
significant facility with languages

5 fabulous celebrations
My 29th birthday. I rented a small hall in Alameda. Invited 100 of my closest friends (40-60 came). Asked them to bring potluck dishes in lieu of gifts. Everyone played board games and ate till I got up and taught a few line dances. Incredibly fun.
My 30th birthday. See above (too fun not to do it again).
My mom's birthday a few years ago. She threw a big party for herself and was surrounded by her friends. But she never told them it was for her birthday; just a big dinner party, she said.
Another funeral reference: my friend Aaron Katzman. He was so beloved that the church was completely full, with people sitting in the aisles and just outside the doors. I don't know how long the funeral procession was, but it was damned long. He was young (solo rock-climbing accident) and so terrific. Still very much missed by all.
Another vote for Disneyland's 50th

5 things you'd like to have
1 more bedroom in my house
a boyfriend/girlfriend
tanzanite earrings (still searching on eBay)
TiVo (naw, just kidding, A)
a housecleaning service
a poop-scooping service

5 cool presents you've received
Some of the money for the down payment on my house (thanks, Mom!)
My bike (free from a gal on my SMC list; not really a gift, but given for free, and it's a nice bike!)
My garnet earrings (a gift from my aunt & uncle upon my graduation from college; a totally unexpected but very much appreciated gift), my birthstone
Lifetime membership to the California Alumni Association, a graduation gift from my parents
A 5-day pass to Walt DisneyWorld from the friends we'd traveled there with, a surprise gift that was so sweet and generous of them

5 things you've collected
some of these maybe belong in the "things that would surprise people" list above
Dick Francis novels in paperback
Thimbles
Rocks/minerals
Yarn (being truthful!)
Astérix Books (mostly in French)

5 books you've read in the past 5 years
just five???
Da Vinci Garbage as well as Angels and More Garbage
The Philip Pullman "His Dark Materials" Trilogy (great stuff)
Two of the books from Garth Nix's "Sabriel" trilogy
Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere (OMG, so good; see the BBC movie/shows too)
Eats, Shoots and Leaves (I just got a website to correct an it's-its error today!)

5 slang terms you use regularly
"Whatever."
"Shaw!" (how do you spell that?)
"Yuh-hunh."
Ask Dharma for the rest. I'm sure she'd be glad to spell 'em out.

A multiple of 5 people you'd like to tap for this
Zero is a multiple of 5. I'm guessing everyone who'd do it has been tapped already.

Um, check it

My PDA died a few months ago. Not only do I keep my calendar and address book there, but I also keep several sets of shopping lists with a terrific application called HandyShopper.

I looked around for a new PDA to buy, but realized that I really, really wanted one that included a keyboard. And one that was not expensive to buy nor keep. That eliminated... well, all of them.

So I went back to the Visor Deluxe. I looked at the Palm Zire line, but they are still missing buttons. WTF is that? They took 2 buttons away, so you can't play certain games nor assign software to buttons, etc.

Anyway, the Visor Deluxe is no longer being made, so of course I turned to eBay. Found several I could live with (I was even willing to have an orange one, for Pete's sake!), and bid. People are nuts; they were bidding $50+! I finally got one from a Mailboxes Etc. "we sell for you" kind of place. After I'd bid on a graphite one (ho-hum), I realized with a sinking feeling that the auction said "Handspring Visor" without the "Deluxe" part. That means 2MB of memory rather than 8. I had upgraded to the Visor Deluxe for the possibility of having more memory--at the time, to read books (e.g. while waiting in line or at the doctor's). These days, I listen to books on my iPod, and I knit while in line or at the doctor's. But I thought of all the fancy programs I liked to have on my Visor, and whimpered.

Deal with it, I told myself. Suck it up; it's an organizer, not your life. So I thought I'd just install a subset of what I had, forgo reading books on it, not have certain games. I installed a few, fixed my calendar (sure, Mother's Day is on Monday this year! Not.), and checked the installation. Oops, I got two copies of the snap-on keyboard driver. As I went to delete it, I noticed it said, "Free Memory: 7125K of 7936K."

sound of angels singing

It's a Visor Deluxe after all.

It's the small things

My Timex Rush watch has just not resurfaced. I fear it has gone to be with my old Ironman watch and countless Casio watches.

So today, I bought a new Casio watch at Longs. I paid $19.99 with no coupon, believe it or not! I love this watch. I have probably bought at least 5 of them; 6, if you count the one I gave my sister. We both love it. My niece was wearing one the last time they visited. I asked, and it was my sister's.

The very best part about this watch, aside from it not being huge on your wrist, is the instant-timer part. Without switching modes, you just press the upper-right button. Once, and it instantly starts timing a minute. Twice, 3 minutes. 7 times, half an hour. It is so nice for baking--or timeouts.

Voila my life these days. Baking and timeouts.

Well, there goes that speech.

Within the past month, I have lost 2 card keys from work. I give myself big credit that I never lost one before now, in 10 yrs at this company. (O'course, we didn't have card keys from the beginning, but I'm glossing over that for now.)

I lost one when my sister was here. It was in her car, but I think I brought it in to Starbucks when I went with the kids while she was checking out Talbot's. I called the next day, but the gal was completely unhelpful (didn't know where the lost & found was? It's not a huge Starbucks) and no one called me back, even though she said they would.

Then I got a new cardkey and didn't punch a hole in it for a neckstrap before I went to Disneyland. I thought I put it in a smart place for my return from Disneyland, but it has not resurfaced. I got a tiny lecture about being charged for lost cardkeys (which gave me a tiny heart attack till I was told they cost $7 each), but then I got an email on Friday saying, in part, that it wasn't about the cost, it was about company security. I sent a quick message back saying that I'd let them know if I found it while cleaning out the car on the weekend...

...but I stewed. I am concerned about company security! I just have a brain that does not work well for remembering things like card keys (and house keys and dog leashes and son's backpacks etc.). This was underlined this weekend when I got my soccer stuff out and found a laminated card with the items I'd need for playing soccer. I thought perhaps this was a recent development; my version of Mommy Brain. But no; that card is from before pregnancy; from back when I used to forget important soccer necessities like jog bras.

So this morning, I marched into the gal's office with a whole speech planned, about how my brain doesn't work this way, and I take company security very seriously, here is proof (soccer card) and I have not one, but two cards for hockey--one for what to bring, and one for order in which to put the gear on... and she says, I just had to go through the spiel. I know you're concerned about company security.

Well, there goes my High and Mighty Speech. What do I do with it now?