There he is again

I have a very old bear, that wasn't even mine to begin with, I think. I think it was my late brother's bear and defaulted to me. Mine has a huge patch on his butt and most of his fur is rubbed off.

And then I see this. It's got to be the same bear.

Wild.

Get a load o' me

Went to my swim class at Laney today. This one is TuTh, whereas the previous classes were always MoWe. So this teacher is not one of the two I've had before. She's the relatively-new swim team coach and water polo coach.

The previous classes I've had, we did the mile swim early on (or, how many laps one can finish within the 50 class minutes) and recorded our progress (decreasing time or increasing # of laps one finished), getting out of the pool with jelly legs.

This class had a workout up on the board that totaled more than a mile. We finished half of it. She stood and talked to the group of us forever. Half a mile is not a great workout. argh. This better get better.

Oh, but as to the title of this post: a woman in the lane next to me kept her fins on the whole time, instead of shedding them after the first two segments, as the teacher said to. She asked me, "Did you swim that without fins?" after a segment. I said, "What?" and then, "Um, yes," and she said, "You are so fast!"

I have traditionally been slow as mud. After only 7 (or maybe it's 8) classes, I am finally fast compared to someone.

That's worth the $15 per semester fee right there. :)

Poetic justice

Coming back from swim class, I go through the tunnel and then onto a land bridge. There's a guy right on my tail, but I slow waaaaaay down, getting my speed to under 35. He keeps creeping up. Finally, he flies past me, glaring.

And instantly gets pulled over by the Alameda Police for speeding, in the same speed trap where I got nailed just a few months ago.

I can't help laughing my ass off and giving a thumbs-up to the police officer.

suggestibility

I was chatting with Liz about Red tryouts yesterday, and she said something like, "Watch your crossovers and backwards skating."

I didn't think more of it till I was out on the ice at Oakland Ice for "Lunch Bunch," their midday open skate, today. I realized I had a memory of doing really good crossovers, including pushing with the lower/under skate--and that I'd never actually done that.

I must have dreamed it. Wild.

But then I got a chance to do crossovers on the circles on the ice, as there were very few skaters out, and I did pretty darn well, thank you very much!

Then, as we're driving home from watching a fun Maroon game, I see a billboard for a Cadillac Crossover.

OK, that's a bit much.

Holdin' up the sky, holdin' up the sky

I registered for the fall NCWHL hockey season!

And I clicked the menu to try out for Red!

Woo hoo! (a little scared)

And I skated lines and circles at the free skate today!

Enough with the 2x4's!

My therapist and I had decided it was time to date and just have fun, no future commitments. (deep breath) OK.

So I called up K left a message, we finally got together, had a few dates, and she disappeared. No word for nearly 48 hours. Very odd, as we'd struck up a daily patter of contact by then.

I was sure it had to do with intimacy issues. I was wrong. (I was right, though, about it being a disappearing thing. Several people said, "Only 1 day?" but I strongly sensed it was meaningful to hear nothing.)

Turned out it was "picket fence" issues. I had said some things glibly that sounded like I was planning out our future together, white picket fence and all. I probably was; I tend to do that. It's not a good habit, as I think its source is to ignore any niggling doubts and plunge forward, sure that she is The One. This tendency has not served me well in the past, and didn't in this new relationship.

So, whap with the first 2x4. I was supposed to just be dating.

The other thing my therapist and I had talked about was dating various people. I have never in my life done this and was (and still am, to some degree) not able to conceive of splitting my attention this way. I'm willing but nervous.

And, whap turns out K is dating someone else. So if I continue to date her, I have to get used to sharing her.

Growth sucks. Enough with the 2x4s!

I'm better now

Had a good lunch with my friend (Hi R!), got it all out, better now.

And I updated my Match.com profile. Still no word from my copine disparue. (shrug)

Eerily, unpleasantly familiar

Just out of college, there was a group of us who hung out a lot. All of us played on a softball team until they moved up and got more competitive; then some of us played and the rest of us cheered from the bench, every game. We went out dancing in the City all the time, at places that no longer exist except fondly in our memories--the Box, Code Blue, and bars whose names I can't even recall any more.

There were, of course, lots and lots of dyke dramas. She's with her but we actually know she's been fooling around with *her* when she's not around, for months or years now. She's with her, but it's really rocky; when it's good, it's really, really good, but when it's off, the arguments are molten. She's with her and still with her, and it still works. She was with her forever and ever, then broke up in a day, and then with someone else literally a day later and still is. Like I said, dyke drama.

One of the gals, whom I'll call Wanda, started getting closer and hanging out more and sometimes making out after a club night with alcohol certainly involved. Always involved. I did some very stupid things with alcohol then. (This was one.) So one night, staying over at another friend's by invitation, we kissed for a while and my hand traveled down her thigh. I touched her inner thigh and was stopped. After being stopped a second time, it was clear: this wasn't going to go anywhere. It was a non-relationship relationship. It sucked. I backed off. IIRC, she was fine with that. (OUCH)

Years later, I met a cute, personable, charismatic women through soccer. She had had a girlfriend on the East Coast, but she was here now. We met up many times, ate, laughed, started having some kisses. I stayed over and we made out but when it got to the point of hands moving lower... she stopped it. Later told me that she was still with her girlfriend. Ugh. Another non-relationship relationship. I backed off and asked for some space. She stopped calling and emailing me after I specifically said not to... but still came to my office and left notes on my desk until I laid out more clearly what NO CONTACT means. sigh

I seem to be in another one. Don't know what the stopping point is, but it is clear to me that I need to step back, much as I don't want to.

Fuck.

Kill the pain or it will kill you

is the title of a spam email I just got.

I have to agree. This may be the first time I actually agree with a spam, as opposed to the ones assuring me they can grow my pen!s by 3 inches.

Finally

White underpants. Works every time.

Totally unscientific, 100% proven.

Too cute for words NOW FIXED

Thanks to Andrea for this one.

I had forgotten

how annoying it is to wait for your period. I'm at 28 days now. My normal cycle is 25, give or take 1 day.

I feel like I am going to esplode.

Great weekend

I already posted about Friday's dancing. Came home and my babysitter promptly called her mom to come get her.

I love my babysitters who get picked up by their parents, or drive themselves home, so I don't have to leave the house with my already-sleeping kid!!

Saturday morning, got up (a little too early for my tastes) to go the zoo. Brought our celery. We managed to be among the first 200 to bring food for the elephants and were awarded tickets to enter the elephant's area (the elephants being in their other pen) and place our food wherever we wanted. They want the elephants to move around and get exercise. G initially picked up a big lemon cucumber, but then they encouraged everyone to grab what they'd brought, if possible. This proved to be a good thing, as G snapped off pieces of celery and was able to distribute about 10 of them throughout the area!

Then we all filed out and waited while the elephants were let in. What fun! Next year, we are defintely bringing a watermelon, if not two! Someone had brought a watermelon and stuck it into a crack up high in a rock. Imagine picking up a watermelon with the crook of your arm. That's what it looked like. I thought the elephant would crush it and pick up the pieces. Well, she did--but by shoving the thing into her mouth. She shoved and shoved, to the point that I thought she'd choke. She finally bit down hard enough and most of it fell out of her mouth to the ground. Then she tried to pick up the largest piece with her trunk--by suction! She couldn't quite do it, so happily picked up pieces to toss in her mouth. (Most of the items were thrown into their mouths, just tossed, even entire bananas, potatoes, etc.)

We had done this about 2 years ago with a friend and her son. I want to make sure we do it every year. (They also had special feedings going on of other animals--G got to help stuff a burlap "hoofed animal" with shredded paper and straw. It would later have meat put into it and the tigers would get their prey-drive satisfied by ripping the animal apart to get the meat.)

We went home and got ready for the luau and then GHATD (link is a PDF). My friends from Cal & post-Cal were having a big party. My ex-gf was there! It was so good to see her. We just sat down and chatted and laughed and G did a great job playing by himself and then with the other kids. Another friend was here from NYC. She had lived here and then moved back to the East Coast, and now has a bicoastal relationship with a gal here. I told her to call me when her moving van pulled up in SF. :)

Then we left and hoofed it to Belmont for GHATD. We were about 5 mins late--but made it there before Karen! She arrived and we suited her up. I loaned her a bandana to wear for the sweat. "I'll wear it, but I don't sweat," she said. Uh huh. She did great--I'll have to post some action photos soon--but came off drenched. (hee hee) We had 37 women turn out to try hockey! Several ringers, everybody did great, but not a single serious wobbler, which we seem to have every time (but they stick with it and end up doing just great!). Then a small group of us went to Hot Pot City and ate some absolutely delicous food (moan). We are definitely going back... and I'll bring sufficient cash next time! (thanks for covering me, L)

Sunday, I got up early and practiced my flute music some more. Packed it all up and made it to church early (rather than late, for once!) and ran through the piece with our music director. It went well, but I took the music up to another room to practice some more by myself while she ran through some other things in the sanctuary. I was having trouble with two measures and prayed a little, then tried them again. Prayers work--I played them both perfectly.

In the service, I made a small mistake early on. I told myself, Well, you've already screwed it up, so you might as well relax now. I did, and it really went well. I checked in with the other main flute player at our church, and even she didn't hear the mistake! Lots of people complimented me. I was really pleased. It was a good piece to play.

Off to a garage sale by my soon-to-be former card-making rep, got some great stuff, and took away her hockey gear to sell within the league for her, and rushed home to get my stuff ready for my game. Had to buy gas, too--agh. Was about 15 mins late for my game but managed to get dressed in time. Some guy volunteered to coach the other team, which was good, because Yosh was going to run from bench to bench!

We had just enough players to play 5 on 5, but it was still hard! We rotated 3 on D until Rosemary was just too pooped, then moved one of our forwards back into the rotation. We won 3-2 but it was a good, hard game. One of our subs was the one to score two of the goals! Then a group of us went out to City Beach for food. I had the best spinach enchiladas ever and the waitress managed to find chicken strips for G after he burst into tears upon hearing they were out. (I'm thinking he didn't get enough sleep! Geez.)

Then we went across the way and, although they were closing in 5 minutes, G was able to do some climbing. I asked the guy to give me a break in the $12 drop-in price, and he charged me $5--and then let him climb for at least 15 minutes! He did great. By the end he was practically scrambling up the wall and probably got to 15' high. He loved it, and I could see how it really improves your core body strength. We will definitely be doing that again.

After we got home, G said, "Let's go to the park!" but I just felt too damned tired. Not to be quieted, he thought, and said, "Let's go to the pool!" and that sounded really appealing. We had one false start, having to go to my work to retrieve the pool key that was actually at home, but then set off (on bike w/trail-a-bike) to the pool. The big pool was being cleaned, so we pulled the cover off the kid pool and went in. A much better choice, as it's several degrees warmer and no deeper than 3'. I was able to do some floating and Grdid some swimming and we had great fun. Got out, showered there, and biked home. Wonderful end to a great weekend.

I am so sore today. Ow ow ow! But it's all worth it.

An evening of "wow"s

"wow" I can't believe I'm going out dancing by myself.

"wow" I actually feel pretty calm about it.

"wow" I don't think I could have done this 2 years ago.

"wow" I can't believe I was so caught up looking for the address that I turned the wrong way down a one-way street!

"wow" There sure are a lot of different women (and two young girls) here!

"wow" The dance instructor has purple hair... and hoop skirts!

"wow" C&W Waltz is super easy... but not 100% easy.

"wow" This is fun.

"wow" I forgot how zen it is to be a follow... I have to not lead. Even when she is too easy.

"wow" Already, someone I know (from soccer).

"wow" Ran into someone I knew from high school (SoCal) and haven't seen in twenty-five years! I can't believe we even recognized each other from back then!

"wow" The woman I'm dancing with now looks so much like Daphne that I can't speak--I must look horrified. She looks so much like her that it's giving me PTSD. (Thank goodness partners in this dance change really fast!)

"wow" I'm having fun.

"wow" I'm sweating like crazy.

"wow" I'm tired--time to go already.

"wow" I'm totally going back. Still can't believe I ran into someone from high school!

It is amazing

what one little email from some internet cafe in some small town in Oregon can do for one's mood.

And CRAP!, why can't we have IM at my work?

I'd like to change my answer.

Last night, as I pushed things around my living room and swept and swept and swept, I realized I'm changing and improving my environment because I'm feeling really good about me. Not so much because I have all this extra energy.

It feels really good to change my environment for the better. I'm finally getting caught up on laundry and that is really good, too. I have had things hanging around in my bedroom from 2 trips ago and am going through the pile and sorting things out and getting them out of there, and it is so freeing.

I'm not completely satisfied with the living-room layout, but it is much better than it was. Before, you sat on the sofa and kind of looked sideways at the TV. Ridiculous. Now, you relax on the sofa and look right at it. Since that's what I tend to do in that room, this is much better. I have a feeling I'm going to spend more time in that room now, which is good. In fact, I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy spending time in my house, period, more. Which is excellent.

So... it's all good.

Well, this is going to be productive

I folded three heaping baskets of laundry last night, figured out my coffee maker does work (but the coffee I had was bad), and charted the new layout for my bedroom. The new layout isn't going to be easy (I'll have to empty out a huge bookcase to move it), and it was good to actually measure (I was going to put the bookcase in a 7" deep space), but it will be much better, I think. And I'll get to really use Fudgie (G named it) again.

OK, so there are some benefits to that ol' absence thing...

For the record?

I don't WANT an email telling me Felicia wants to show me her new toy.

I want one from K! Gonna be a hard week.

I think I'll do lots of yardwork to work off the, eh, energy. And clean and straighten my room. In hopes, well, you know...

Great game

Last night, I subbed in a G1/G3 green game. We had what I think is the optimal bench: exactly 10. So the entire front & back lines changed at the same time. We had very good opportunities to swap... and to score. We won, but it was just 2-1 in the end. I loved the very high level of play. Lots of great passes, slick moves, good communication, great positioning. What hockey should be all about.

And big thanks to Andrea, who coached us to the win, and went with G & me to Wendy's, till she figured she was supposed to be on Val duty at Liz's game and went screaming off into the night!

And I am so, so sore today. Getting old ain't for wimps.

I will wait, but not patiently.

The object of my affection is leaving town, starting today, for a week. A week! She is going to have a wonderful time seeing 8 plays in 7 days. I will have a hard time, doing what I do and trying not to think of her too much.

Which is a long way of saying, be prepared. Whining ahead.

Not everything is about me

That's a line from some sitcom that I think is no longer even on the air. Two women are chatting on the stoop of a brownstone in NY or Boston and the husband leans out the window, asking what's going on. The wife yells back, "Not everything is about you!" I think you had to be there but it was very funny.

Anyway, just realized I never blogged about G's surgery. He has had a birthmark in the middle of his forehead since, well, birth. It started out as a brown hyphen and gradually, the hyphen part lightened till it was nearly invisible, just as two dots in it grew darker and darker.

Our previous Kaiser pediatrician never mentioned anything about it. She left Kaiser perhaps a year ago and we switched to another pediatrician with whom I don't work as well, but she is in Alameda, so that's a real plus. This pediatrician, at his 6 yr checkup, asked about the birthmark, and whether it has changed. Upon hearing that it has, she sent us off to the pediatric dermatologist. (I never knew there was such a title.) The dermo looked at it and asked about how it had changed and said she'd recommend removing it. We have a family history of malignant melanoma (uncle died of it and Dad has had 2 removed).

Well, after 6 years of telling him it makes him unique, now I had to tell him it had to go. Ugh. I agonized and we talked about only removing the two dark spots and I went home to decide. Asked my beloved 'moms' list and the answer was overwhelming: don't chance it. Called up the dermo and left a blustery message, demanding that the work be done by a plastic surgeon.

Not a problem. Referred to the plastic surgeon, set up a flurry of appointments (another physical, blood draw and the avalanche of info, and finally the surgery). Had to call the day before to find out the time of surgery and when we had to be there--or whether it was cancelled in favor of a more urgent surgery. Instead of having to arrive at 6AM, we were told 6:45 (phew), and instead of 8:30, we were given 8:00AM as the surgery time.

Everything went great and I was able to hold it together while he was wheeled away, blissfully silly. Got a call maybe 45 mins later saying it went great and I could meet him up in Recovery. He was still asleep. He woke up and was very uncomfortable because of the intubation--crying and making it worse. At the nurse's urging, I soothed him back to sleep. He slept for another hour and woke up with a sore throat but much more rational. We got him to accept a popsicle, then another, then he was free to go! The wound was covered with a stretchy superglue substance, then gauze, then a sticky saran-wr@p substance. Once he was ready to go, he was hungry (no food after midnight) and really just fine, except for the raspy, 2-pack-a-day voice.

Took him to the promised McD's and then home to "take it easy" for the afternoon. I swear, the day this boy is lethargic, I'm calling an ambulance. He never really settles down.

But he was thrilled to have permission to watch movies all afternoon, and then to come with me to work the next day to watch more movies on the work TV. And then on Friday, he decided not to go to Y-Kids as we had planned, and came to work again (sometimes yelling for me down the halls, ugh).

You honestly would never know he'd had surgery except for the strip of bandaid-like stuff on his forehead.

Which, really, is the best outcome possible. I'm grateful.