Splain this to me

What is the thinking behind doing a super-slow-mo left-hand turn? I just do not get this. You are crossing a lane of traffic! Why drive slowly instead of briskly completing the turn? If the lane you're turning into isn't quite clear yet, why start the turn at all?

Well, it did get my heart racing. ("You're going to get hit!")

Just a pair of old ladies

K and I recently realized that as we lie in each other's arms and gaze on each other's faces... that our faces are blurry. We have to get 13" apart (we are a curious pair and I own a tape measure) to focus.

So the other day, we both got out our reading glasses and put them on. And happily gazed into each other's eyes from about 8" apart. And giggled incessantly.

I love growing old gracefully.

Weekend update

First, thanks to absolutely everyone who offered sympathy. I got feedback from my tryouts and know what I need to work on for next tryouts. I also learned that not a lot of folks moved up, so I feel better about not having made that cut.

Friday
Anyway, Friday, I was supposed to have dinner with Dharma & TGF before they left Sunday for a trip to visit Dharma's mom. As I picked G up from Y-kids, though, I started feeling awful. By the time I got home, I was really nauseated. I called up and canceled and Dharma sounded so disappointed. :(

G and I had scrambled eggs and curled up on the couch for the evening.

Saturday
Saturday morning, we were up early and getting gussied up for Rosh Hashana services at the Paramount Theater. K attends Temple Sinai regularly and was really looking forward to going to RH services with me. We signed G up for childcare (which was extensive and sounded like great fun, including RH-style Twister!) earlier in the week. K was in her black suit, I wore my cleavage dress, and G had on a white, button-down shirt and nice slacks with a blue blazer with gold buttons. We were quite the picture!

RH services were interesting and really quite cool. I had quite a reaction to the Abraham-Isaac sacrifice story. K had warned me a bit, but it was still really disturbing. Oy.

There were so many parts to the services that were new and different and felt foreign. I went from feeling like it was a different way to worship to feeling like a stranger in a strange land and back many times. Since it's a Reform congregation, much of the service was in English and a few of the songs are transliterated so I could sing along without having to just pick it up in the middle. And a lot of the melodies are fairly predictable, so that part of singing along was fine.

Afterward, we went to lunch with a group of K's friends. They were delightful, interesting, and funny. Very interested in me and how we met, etc. and not shy about asking! We strolled up the street to Fenton's for an after-lunch ice cream treat and then parted, with lots of future dinner invitations.

Interesting note: I took G back to the restaurant bathroom to wash his sticky hands before we left. When I emerged, folks were joking with K that she no longer had to keep an appointment calendar--that I, as the femme of the couple, would be taking that over. I really bristled at this and said, "What makes you think I'm femme?" We really do cross over quite a bit: she beads, I play ice hockey, she has the warm/nurturing job, I'm a programmer. And the thought that the domestic/calendar duties would be mine from here on in is preposterous. --Not the least of which is that I'm forgetful! Odd.

But it is nice to be invited to dinner with these new friends (new to me--K has been going there for 10 years). We're already invited to a wedding anniversary celebration. Sweet!

That afternoon, we worked on cleaning up the house for Mom's impending visit. K apparently has exactly the same housekeeping issues with her mom as I do with mine--any perception of lack of housekeeping is taken deeply to heart and perceived as a failure of parenting. sigh. But I got a lot done and it is nice to have the house cleaned up. K went home to get a good night's sleep before Sunday services, and I fell deeply asleep.

Sunday
Sunday morning, I got up early enough to get the vacuuming done, which made an enormous difference. I was once again vacuuming up yellow and black Lab fur, as we have been dogsitting my friends' dog, Pepsi, till they return from New York, as her father has heart trouble and is in the hospital. She is such a sweetheart--as energetic and loving as Max without the PITB behavior--no jumping up, no mouthiness whatsoever, sits to be petted... she doesn't have some of the training I'd forgotten I'd done with my dogs, as she darted into the street (on a Flexi leash) while I was dealing with Maddy's leash more than once. Oy! And she's not keen on staying before eating (but it's getting better).

She is crate trained (hallelujah!) and is now willing to go right in, as I don't take 'no' for an answer on that one. Leaving her in the crate means I don't have to worry about her destroying anything while I'm gone. It is clearly the right idea, as I apparently left one of my bandanas on top of the crate and she pulled it in and ripped it right down the middle. Pepsi is recuperating, today, from her spay yesterday and I'll be picking her up tonight.

Sunday, we went to church (almost on time--I had meant to get there earlier to set up the bells and at the last minute, we were running late). I played handbells for the "centering music" and it went perfectly. I noticed that morning that there was a note in one measure I'd never played at previous rehearsals. It is hard to read within the staff!

Then--ta-dah!--I got to sing in the choir. This is huge, as I'd given up on Chancel Choir due to its schedule (Thursday 7:30-9) and G's bedtime (8:30 firm). K sweetly said she could watch him any Thursday night that she was available so that I could sing--this after I left last week's service early, and in a black mood, as I was missing singing so much. She is so kind. We sang an anthem about coming to church as you are, which was especially apt as we were all in Picnic gear, and left immediately after the service to go to the church picnic.

G went ahead with friends, so I stayed to help put the bells away and went by KFC to pick up Mac & Cheese and their coleslaw to bring. I stayed about 1/2 an hour, kissed my boy good-bye, and left to change into dark jeans, a black snugly-fitting top, and my black leather jacket. I put a rose tattoo on my left breast and set off for the O bus.

Which had come about 5 minutes earlier, damn and blast the incorrect time on my computer! The next one wasn't for an hour, so I went back home and drove to MacArthur BART. BARTed in to Glen Park, picked up by my gf, after nearly fainting at the sight of her in a well-fitting black t-shirt and a black leather Utilikilt and boots. Oh man, she looked good. I said "hello" to her older son, we picked up some sunscreen, and headed out to the Folsom Street Fair. She had never been and I'd only been once, years ago. It was much bigger but just as much a visual feast.... Saw many titillating sights, tons of bare (mostly male) bottoms, several completely naked men except for sensible shoes, some folks in rubber outfits (explaining what I know of rubber fetish to K), and some BDSM scenes, a few of which were interesting and some really disturbing. And I tried on several enticing corsets, one of which was $300, gorgeous but way too pricey for what I'd get out of it (although the saleswoman was very good about pointing out all the ways in which one could use it), and God! really pretty hard to breathe in. Hard to resist the slimmed waist and pushed-up boobs, though. K certainly enjoyed that part!

We wandered back to the car, savoring the time together, and headed back to BART to pick up my car. Collected G, who was initially resistant to leave, and then had to leave NOW. At home, I gathered my hockey gear (freshly washed, but got nasty right away at practice, wah!) and went to Belmont for a 7:35 practice. Ouch. It was really hard to be there at Green and think of wanting to be in Red. Oh, well, it was a pretty fun practice and there were many promising new Green players, and a new Green goalie who was stopping almost every single shot (certainly stopped all of mine!). K got G to fall asleep, an amazing feat for the boy who loves to pretend to sleep with blanket and pillow and very, very rarely does.

Mondayish
Back home for a sweet, snuggly night. Got up in time to drop Pepsi off for her spay (nearly getting lectured for letting "my" dog go through a heat--not my dog, certainly wouldn't be my choice!), worked, met K again for lunch and as I was about to leave, Mom arrived. Got her settled, went back to work, and Mom picked G up from school, to his delight. Settled him at home with babysitter and went off to a nice dinner at Aroma on the estuary. Slept very well and got Mom up (and self) at 6AM as requested and off to the airport (for a 9:30 flight) to return her rental car and get specially x-rayed at the airport because of her titanium knees. Go, Mom! We'll see her again at Christmas.

Still sinking in

First, thanks to all the gals who commented here or wrote privately to offer comfort. You are so sweet and every last word was appreciated.

April pointed out that I could sign up to sub in Red already, so I went to that page. Part of signing up asks for my jersey number. Oh.

I had noticed a Red #55 at the second Placement session last Sunday, and had realized that when I moved into Red, I'd be needing a new number. I'm rather fond of #55 in Green, but am OK with getting a new number, esp. as it means playing in Red!

But, oh!, not yet. Boo.

And now, last weekend

Hm. Friday. Oh, how about Tuesday? I'll post about Tuesday.

I have an account on Match.com. It was my sister's, and she met a great guy and they have been doing great lately, so she offered the end of August to me. I took it up, changed it (scary how easily you can become someone else, changing your location and birthdate and, I think, even your gender!), and posted it and my photo.

I sent a few "Interested?"s, got two clear NOs, a couple of non-responses, and then got a serious email from an interested gal. Made the date, met with her Tuesday. K had asked me if I had plans and I stammered. She asked later if I had a match.com date and I, being an honest and straightforward answerer-of-questions, affirmed that I had.

The gal was late. I found myself wishing fervently that she or I had screwed up the time and she was not coming. She had gotten a little lost. She and I chatted and I felt no spark whatsoever. She is very, very busy and I'm not sure how she is going to fit anyone in her life. In any case, she was articulate and resourceful--and had Googled me! Found out tons of stuff on my, including my current resume (hosted at a friend's site) and my old dog-training page (which I am stunned to find still up, as I am no longer paying for that account). (I still get emails from tearful folks whose dogs bite, nearly always way worse than Max ever was and I usually end up honestly counseling them to put that dog down, sadly.)

After I came back, K said she wanted to date me exclusively. We emailed a bit on that and decided to meet Weds evening and talk it out. I came up with some ideas of what I thought it would look like and we hammered out an agreement. We were both very happy.

So Friday was my first Red Placement session (for some Red folks plus those of us whose last names fell in the end of the alphabet). I was so nervous that I was jittery. K talked me down. I had G stay with a friend that night and we headed down with plenty of time to spare. Somehow, I talked way too much in the dressing room and was barely dressed when someone said, "We have 5 minutes to get on the ice!" Threw on the rest of my gear/clothes and headed out. Skated my freaking ass off. Got incredibly sweaty by the end, especially as we scrimmaged and folks started quitting and heading out. Played the last part of the scrimmage with no subs left. I think I even scored a goal. Felt awesome!

Went home, picked up G, put him to bed, and went to bed.

Saturday, G had another soccer game. K headed off to do church stuff. After G's soccer game (which was a blowout, the hard way, but they played so hard, we were all so proud!), we went to my local yarn store for a taste of their closing-doors 25%-off sale. 3 hours and $200 later, I emerged to bright sunlight. We headed home. I checked my email and the friends who were going to go to the Webster St. Peanut Butter and Jam Festival had gotten tired of waiting and were already there. We parked behind their car and headed up to Webster, running into our choir director, her husband, and another guy from church on the way. We finally found the friends at the kids' area and headed over to a pinball-machine-filled Airstream trailer. G loved it. The games were set to autoplay (no $ needed) and he had the best time.

We parted ways with our friends and got some lunch, splitting a bratwurst and me enjoying the potato salad (G was not interested) with thin slices of apple mixed in. We walked around a little bit and headed home to pack up.

That night, we camped at the Oakland Zoo! We did a Sundown Safari, for which we needed our tent & sleeping bags but no cooking equipment. G was so excited--and then so tired! He wanted to skip all the nighttime stuff (which was especially cool, including peering into the alligator tank and realizing with a shock that the alligator was right there on the other side of the glass). We stuck with it as long as we could, him even petting the huge snake (boa?) that they had to offer (I passed), and then when the African drumming was offered, we begged off.

We slept incredibly well, and were getting up when someone walked through announcing that breakfast was in 20 mins. And then, a few minutes later, "5 minutes!" We hurriedly dressed, me in a turtleneck as it was still chilly, and set off for breakfast. Predictably, I was covered in sweat in moments.

Breakfast was really quite nice! A reasonable spread including eggs and sausage. I had been feeling a little under the weather, so drank two big cups of hot water (tealess tea!) while G enjoyed a hot chocolate with his by-then stone cold pancakes and syrup. Then off we went to some exhibits, where we learned way more than I've heard in the past 6 yrs of being a member, ending up in the elephant enclosure.

The previous evening, we'd talked about "enrichment" for the animals--things they eat, as well as things that challenge them, sometimes combined. We'd colored a paper bag and then stuffed it with hay and some goodies--apple biscuits (the zookeeper pipes up, "Yep, you can eat them, if you like!") and dried pears. We rolled the top and taped it down with duct tape.

So the next morning, they had brought all of the enrichment up to the enclosure (big and small tubes, big and small paper bags, and boxes) and each family was to choose their item and place it in the enclosure. As well, there was some hay to put out and other goodies.

Then I couldn't stop sneezing. I think it was the hay, but I sneezed and sneezed till I thought my head would explode and then rushed us out of the enclosure. Thankfully, it stopped.

We waited around a bit and ooh'd and aah'd while watching the elephants find and shred the enrichment. The grocery sacks were devoured whole whereas the boxes were ripped into with no ceremony whatever. Some bags and boxes were whipped around to break them open, sometimes on their own foreheads! Too funny. G and I happily recalled the elephant eating the entire watermelon. This was such a treat!

We packed up our tent and made the first trip down to the car. On the way back, we found a Zoo stroller and were able to load all of the rest of our stuff into it. G played a bit on the play structures just outside the lower gate (which, I swear, have been there since I was a small child!) and we went home.

At home, I was feeling too tired to unload the car just yet nor think of making lunch for K, who would be arriving soon, and poom! she arrived, son #2 in tow. He is a tall, good lookin' kid with killer eyes (which runs in the family). We had had our order at Wienerschnitzel messed up, so had a few extras, which they were able to finish off. As he left with her car, we said good-bye, and I put out my hand for a warm handshake. He said something charming about "Aw, we can hug," and gave me a nice hug. What a sweetheart.

So we got cleaned up and dressed and headed out for an ordination on the Peninsula. It was my first time seeing her robed up. She looked so good. We stayed for 1.5 hours and it was barely half over when we had to leave in order to get to the second Red tryouts session. I arrived in makeup and a dress and got the expected catcalls (hockey players are so funny). It always amuses me to juxtapose extreme femininity with the masculinity of hockey.

Red tryouts seemed to go well, but you know the answer to that anyway. Oh, well, it felt good. Andrea, Heather McJedi, and Jena went with us to Hot Pot City, where Liz met us with the always darling Val. I got to introduce K to HPC and Toffee Crack in the same night. An excellent time!

I look better in green anyway.

Oh, fuck me. I didn't make it in to Red this time. I am in shock. I felt really good at the Placement Sessions. Skated my freaking heart out. I really thought I'd made it.

And today, got an email that said, in part, "The results of your evaluations for the Red sessions are in and you have been placed in Green."

And now I'm crying at work. Gonna be a great day.

Yes, I do like sarcasm; why do you ask?

Recap of previous two weekends

There was no hockey.

The End.

OK, not really, but no hockey for weeks? It made me nuts. Our last game was on Tuesday, 8/29. I did free skate while we were off, but yesterday at the Beginning Hockey class at Oakland Ice, I realized I hadn't touched a puck for over two weeks. And it felt like it. Yikes.

Labor Day Weekend
OK, so what *did* I do? Oh, right, the weekend of 9/2 was Labor Day Weekend. Ed Miller was at the Pleasanton Highland Games, and I always try to see him when he's in the area, so K blocked out part of her Saturday (it is her "Thursday," as a minister) and the three of us went. Ironically, my boss was there and I never saw him--we compared notes and were both at the soccer game before Ed's 2pm set, and at Ed's 2pm set! Too funny.

We got to Ed's stage early, which was good, as he started a bit early. I went right up to him as he was warming up and introduced myself. He first said, "What?" and then when I repeated myself, greeted me warmly. I made my song request and he said, sure, he'd sing that. And promptly forgot. He was very funny and charming and interesting, as usual. He explained the background to some songs and that put them in such a different light. I hadn't understood that one song, to which I've listened for years, is actually about an old man whose wife has died and he is just waiting to join her. As I was near my period, I was tearful a lot. Wonderful songs.

Background: I know of Ed from his appearance at the Water Music Festival up near my mom's. She was involved with WMF for about 10 years. He stayed with her when he went up there to perform in WMF one year. She found him charming and likeable and has since done one of his Scotland tours, which she really enjoyed. When she was down here once, we went to go see him at a local festival, and she introduced me.

Sunday, I played flute at our church. I found a piece on the web that had piano accompaniment (I don't like to play solo) and had practiced it and found it not too hard. When we added the piano for the first time early on Sunday, it totally changed! The flute part is somber and slightly eery. With the accompaniment, it's much cheerier--odd! Sounded good, though, and we were satisfied. Got lots of compliments; people are very appreciative when I play. It's nice. And I always make a point to tell my parents, as they shelled out plenty of bucks on my flute and private lessons.

That afternoon, if I'm not mistaken, was the afternoon where I just started feeling awful and crabby. K was going to come over and emailed me that I could cancel if I wanted. I did--and she was very disappointed. Turned into another growth opportunity (and a repeat of the strain, 'Growth sucks'!). We are really working hard on communication through the hard issues.

The next day was Labor Day and I didn't have it off (we only have 5 holidays a year, and very rarely get Labor Day; but we have a very generous PTO package). K had invited me along to a friend's BBQ, so I got us up and out of the house, and to my work, early. We left about 2PM to get to the BBQ, which was on the Peninsula, with K's friend. K had left her driver's license at the church the previous day, so we went through SF (the Bay Bridge being open in the Westbound direction still) and I got to see her church! Charming small church. I won't link to it for her privacy. It was great to see where she works, though. She's right; she does have more books than I do (and you know how I hate to lose a competition).

We headed down the Peninsula to the BBQ, which was fun. Her friends have a small yard right behind their house, then a huge fenced yard that is mostly open, with a tree swing. Someone had brought their sweet, friendly, fairly calm dog who I got to love all over. G played with their son and another boy (when he wasn't getting irritated with the older boy) and ate a bit. I had a few Bud Lights (that I'd brought, and like) and ate some yummy food and had some good conversations. It was nice to get to know K's friends, the hosts, better. Neat people. Her connection with them is through theater, and they had connections with lots of other folks through lj, which was pretty fascinating to hear. G was very sad when it was time to leave, after K sparred quite nicely about religion with a guy who just loved to hear himself talk, so the hosts let us borrow the DVD he'd been watching with the other kids. Very kind. When we return it, we'll get his Cal cap back, which we inadvertantly left.

Weekend of Sept 9
My dad played football in the late 50's with a Cal coach named Pappy Waldorf. The men who played for Pappy get together every year for a Pappy's Boys dinner. Apparently, he was a very successful coach (except for my dad's year, sadly!) and the men are very enthusiastic about the reunion. My dad drove down from their new place in Oregon for this dinner and invited me along. I called all my usual babysitters, getting more and more frantic as I got calls back with 'no' for an answer (it was a high-school football night), until finally, K stepped in and said she'd hang out with G for the evening. I put on a blue dress I'd found at Salvation Army that someone made for a body just like mine and had a great evening.

The next day was G's first soccer game of the season. His coach is wonderful--so incredibly patient, and clear on his expectations of a team of under-7s. They don't even keep score or require legal throw-ins. (See why I'm not a great choice for coach?) G did well and K and my dad both came. K really helped me not to coach (my instinct and not a helpful one) and just to yell encouraging things. It was great to have her there.

Afterward, she went off to do ministerial things, and Dad took us out to breakfast at Ole's Waffle Nook. Yum. It took so long to get in and then to get our food that by the time we were home and ready to drive to the NCWHL picnic, I realized we'd be driving 45 mins to be there for the last 15. I nixed it. Dad went off to the football game and I started to get ready to see the Yarn Harlot at a local knitting store.

More knitting content over at my knitting blog soon, I'm sure, but I had a great time. It ran really late (everyone wanted to meet her and have her sign his or her books), so I called up my babysitter and told her to just leave when my dad came back and I'd pay her the next day (actually, she suggested that part, as I was loathe to have her leave without getting paid). That worked out great; G had been really tired and voluntarily went to bed early, so Dad just had to be home and not even get G to bed. I finally got home at 10PM, whereas I had predicted I'd be home by 8:30. The things we do for knitting!

Sunday morning, I got up at the asscrack of dawn to go to the Beginning Hockey class at Oakland Ice, in preparation for the Red tryouts. Got there right on time at 5:45AM (to be ready for the 6:15AM class), only to find that it had been canceled because of their St. Moritz figure skating somethingorothercrap. I was SO disappointed. It isn't often that I have an adult in my house so that I can go to this. The last time was maybe early this summer, when my sister was visiting. Argh.

So I went home and my dad was pleased to have me back early, as his wife had been pressuring him to leave earlier than he had planned. He was going to take us out to breakfast, but I had stopped at Albertson's on my way back from non-hockey and bought, among other things, cinnamon rolls in the can. (Whatever happened to orange rolls? That was our family tradition.) So I baked those and cooked some scrambled eggs. He ate some and took off.

So G and I got dressed and headed off to church earlyish so I could be there in time for the bell choir rehearsal. I played bells (and made a mistake, dammit, the first time through) and sat down for the rest of the service. Then watched the chancel choir sing and ended up in a blacker and blacker mood. Finally handed the babysitter money to a friend to pass on and just left with G (who was as antsy as I was) and went home.

Background: chancel (voice) choir rehearsal is 7:30-9PM on Thursdays. I found out, painfully, that G does way better with a solid 8:30 bedtime, which is, of course, preceded by bedtime stuff like brushing teeth, choosing the next day's clothes (a sanity saver right there), and stories. So 7:30-9PM rehearsal just had to be... out of the question.

Well, I love to sing. I love to sing for our choir director. And I just had a friend and choirmember tell me she missed singing with me. So I started thinking about that and just felt the loss so keenly.

So I went home and G was still being just awful. I tried a million ways from Sunday to get him to nap and finally gave up and let him watch a movie in the front room and I watched my latest Netflix movie (Billy Madison, sucked) in my room. He kept sneaking peeks and it seemed like a kid movie, so he kept trying to watch it, annoying the holy crap out of me.

It finally ended and K came over and we three watched the beginning of Treasure Planet together. K hadn't seen it, but we had; not that that made a difference when it was time for G to get ready for bed. Tears ensued. Got him to bed and had some cuddling time with K, phew.

Monday was the day of a 6PM Jim Wallis appearance that I desperately wanted to be at. I just couldn't get childcare, so gave up on being there or at friends' discussion afterward. They kindly moved the discussion to my house! So once I picked G up, we went on a long TJ's run and bought all sorts of yummies. Got home just before 8... only to find folks waiting on my porch, having called my cell phone that is so rarely on! Oops.

They graciously brushed off my apologies and settled at my dining-room table. I set out what I had and put some other yummies in the micro and oven. Had a lively discussion that was deeper and more passionate than I'd even expected. I put G to bed only to find folks fading away. K stayed and we had some grown-up time together, which was very nice.

On blogging, and privacy, and boundaries

Some have noticed I haven't been blogging a lot lately. Sure, I tend to go in fits and starts anyway, but there was nearly a 2-week gap. And 2 posts have disappeared (they may reappear).

The answer: K asked to read my blog. After completely freaking out, I ran the idea past a few friends, including one whom I've only met f2f once (or is it twice, D?) and is thousands of miles away. K had found it by googling but, because I'd asked earlier, she had not read it.

K asked in order to get to know me better. The balance of power was on my side, as she is a minister of a local church (I'll ask her if it's OK to link it in) and I was able to surf all over that website, learning about her, reading some of her sermons, and reading the church newsletters. I learned a lot about her and she didn't have a similar source of info on me.

To tell the truth, a lot of people have said that my entries can be fun to read. I don't mind more strokes from a new sweetie.

But there were a few entries that were iffy; a little too honest for me to be comfortable with K reading. An honesty and openness that I hadn't had with her before. I haven't re-posted those entries but have finally, now, talked to her about their contents. I will probably put them back up at some point.

Now, though, I contemplate the future: I relished having this forum of my friends (including friends who never comment, grin) to mention things from my life, my burgeoning relationship with K, private intimacies and questions.

I'm not comfortable cutting her off and saying, from this date forward, you can't read my blog any more. But I feel like I need a place to post my most private thoughts that I'm not ready for her to see yet, if ever.

So I looked into LiveJournal. It has ways to put restrictions on posts according to who is looking at them. I don't know if you all need LJ memberships, but I suppose so.

Anyway, our relationship has been slowly getting closer and sometimes challenging. It didn't feel right to post about it, and it's foremost in my mind these days (sharing mindspace with the Red Placements--pray for me tonight!), so I didn't feel like I had anything else to blog about.

So... bear with me. I will try to keep my life updated here as best I can. And if you have an LJ account, drop me a line and I'll play around with that.

OK?

*snort*

This one made me laugh.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Nice doggy."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Who am I?

I've been exercising 4-5 times a week lately. I've also been annoyed if something got in the way of my exercise. I've lost a size (wow) and have definition in my calves and a bit in my thighs.

I can be elated... and thrown by this. This is not me, or at least not who I have been, practically my entire life. I do remember running 2 miles maybe 3 times a week in the mornings in high school. And being somewhat athletic in college, with all the marching (hard core) in Cal Band, plus some intermural soccer.

But overall? I have always been the slowest runner, nearly always the heaviest among my friends, the one most likely to be drawn to unhealthy foods when we went out.

And now, I think when I eat and I actually enjoy salads, simmered spinach, large amounts of veggies.

And when I think of it, it feels very weird. Very new. Very not me.

It's like a jacket that I like but rubs my shoulder whenever I wear it. Odd but maybe, in the end, OK.